god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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