fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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