you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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