I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
