I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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