question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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