Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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