I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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