You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize