"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
