i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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