i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
