apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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