when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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