now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
