We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
