And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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