my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
