I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
