They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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