What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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