you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
