marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
