i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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