he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
