I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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