I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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