Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
