im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
