normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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