just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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