i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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