Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
