I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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