Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
