does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
