my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
even my farts smell like vagina
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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