I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nutella sex= disaster
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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