Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
