I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
