I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
