I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I love you.
Bad choice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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