What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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