I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
