I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love you.
Bad choice
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
