whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
