I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
