Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
