ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
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Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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