idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
