he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm like, not good at living.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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