This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had to cum in my sink.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
