it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
