I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
