rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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