I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
