i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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