The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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