It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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