can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
