She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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