Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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